Update #7

A SONG ON SALT AIR was released everywhere this month!

Get a signed copy. I’m sending a free epub copy with every paperback purchased directly from me. 

You can also … 

Read the ebook on Kindle Unlimited

Support your local bookstore and buy it from Bookshop.org

And don't forget to leave a review!

First month as a published author, the post-mortem

Does anyone ever know what to expect for their first book? 

I made many, many mistakes while publishing A Song On Salt Air, and I did not set myself up for a successful launch. The thing about doing it myself is I’m in control of all factors that equal success (also what I qualify as success, but that’s a different story). So, when I dropped the ball on marketing and my online sales are not what I expected, that’s on me. 

Even though my digital sales were a little disappointing, I did manage to sell every one of my initial printed copies (20 books!) the first week post-release. And honestly, that’s so much more satisfying anyway because I was able to personalize and sign each book before it landed in your hands.

So much of self-publishing felt like a race to get everything ready. I had to get feedback from beta readers, rewrite and edit, find an editor, a cover designer, figure out how to format a paperback, and, obviously, set up distribution. Not to mention, any spontaneous marketing I was doing on the side.

I had never done any of these things before, and in my naivety, I set a release date only 2 months out from getting my editor copy back. Not only was that logistically tight, it also didn’t give me much time to market my book and find my audience. 

I know now that no matter how much prep and marketing I had done prior to June 16, I would have always come to this realization:

Releasing a book is only the beginning. 

Now I’ve moved onto the next phase of discovering my voice online, participating in the right online communities, reaching out to influencers, scheduling events … talking about the fact that I published a book to people I know in my real life, which is kind of mortifying for some reason. 

I’d love to say, “I made these mistakes so you don’t have to! Here’s what you need to know!” Unfortunately, I’m not sure what I even need to know yet. I’m still figuring it out, but I don’t plan on quitting anytime soon. 

Ok, that’s what I don’t have figured out, here’s something I do have figured out

I started going to a new therapist last month. I’ve been going to therapy off and on for a couple years, but lately I’ve felt particularly burnt out and overwhelmed. It’s a familiar feeling, and I know where it leads, so I’ve been trying to mitigate the full crash out that feels inevitable. 

Turns out, that’s not normal. 

I was complaining that I always seem to make these tiny mistakes that amount to giant frustrations with everything I do. This self-publishing venture has really highlighted this weakness. So, for background … I accidentally published the paperback of A Song On Salt Air early on Amazon because I didn’t read all the fine print when setting up preorders. Then, I couldn’t get it removed from distribution because Ingram Sparks customer service never got back to me. So I had to sit with my mistake, and it was brutal and I cried, and it felt like the kind of thing that always happens to me.

My experience and frustrations prompted my therapist to ask if I’d ever been evaluated for ADHD/neurodivergece. I hadn’t. 

I’d definitely considered the possibility, but I figured my short attention span was a result of short form content and a type B personality. But my therapist helped me realize there was more to my struggle than a lack of focus and trouble sitting still. Depression, anxiety, and burnout can all be caused by ADHD, and often go misdiagnosed, masking the true culprit.

The funny thing is while answering the evaluation questions, I thought, “Oh ok, I probably don’t have this.” 

We did the evaluation. Turns out my answers were in the 97th percentile of people who have been diagnosed with ADHD. 

Anyone who has ever had a late diagnosis like this will understand the strange conflicting feelings that arise. On one hand, it’s a relief. I’m not crazy, things really were extra hard because I’m neurodivergent. On the other hand, its immense sadness for my past self who was trying so hard to do things how I saw everyone else doing them and getting frustrated and burnt out and anxious when nothing felt quite right. I was a perfectionist because I didn’t want to let any weakness show. I worked extra hard, and still didn’t meet the standards I set for myself in the first place. 

In a way, getting a diagnosis feels like permission to just … be. There’s language I can use to define my frustrations. For example, learning how to recognize when I’m in an overstimulated state and giving myself permission to leave the room or say no thank you to plans has been empowering. I’m learning how to reserve and protect my energy and attention with new language and skills that I didn’t have before. 

A lot of the skills and habits I’ve developed around my creative process make a lot more sense to me now too. Turns out, I’ve been working on coping skills for ADHD my whole life. Now I just have a better understanding of why they worked for me. 

I’m using those skills now to write my next novel. A Song On Salt Air taught me a lot about myself, my voice, my goals with writing. 

I’m so excited to bring all this new experience and knowledge to the next project, which is going to be very different and I can’t wait to talk more about it. I’m about 26k into drafting right now. I don’t want to reveal more than that because it’s still very fragile, but I want to share that there is still something cooking. 

Background noise

Books I read/am reading in June: 

• We Have Always Lived In The Castle by Shirley Jackson (currently reading)

• Big Swiss by Jen Beagin (3.5 stars)

• The Butchers Masquerade by Matt Dinniman (audio book—4 stars)

• Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller (5 stars) 

I canceled my Spotify playlist and now rely on physical media or digital albums I download to my phone. I don’t have an iPod yet, but I’m thinking of getting one!

What’s on repeat this month: 

• Either/Or by Elliot Smith 

• Cartoon Darkness by Amyl and the Sniffers 

• Be the Cowboy by Mistki 

• Even in Arcadia by Sleep Token (literally always on repeat)

• Every album by IDLES 

I’ve also been watching a lot of really good TV lately. 

I finally watched Flea Bag. I know, I know. I’d started it years ago, and just never finished it, but I had no idea what a treat I was in for. Season 2 was perfect. Absolutely no notes.

I also binged the entirety of Hacks on HBO. Sobbed, cried at the last episode. But loved. 

Thank you all for sticking around and letting me ramble once a month, it’s truly an honor that you’ve made it this far and you’re still interested in what I have to say. We’re practically best friends at this point.

Talk soon,

Autumn Brown